Title: Mating in Captivity Pdf Reconciling the Erotic & the Domestic
Esther Perel takes on tough questions, grappling with the obstacles and anxieties that arise when our quest for secure love conflicts with our pursuit of passion. She invites us to explore the paradoxical union of domesticity and sexual desire, and explains what it takes to bring lust home.
In her 20 years of clinical experience, Perel has treated hundreds of couples whose home lives are empty of passion. They describe relationships that are open and loving, yet sexually dull. What is going on?
In this explosively original book, Perel explains that our cultural penchant for equality, togetherness, and absolute candor is antithetical to erotic desire for both men and women. Sexual excitement doesn't always play by the rules of good citizenship. It is politically incorrect. It thrives on power plays, unfair advantages, and the space between self and other. More exciting, playful, even poetic sex is possible, but first we must kick egalitarian ideals and emotional housekeeping out of our bedrooms.
While Mating in Captivity shows why the domestic realm can feel like a cage, Perel's take on bedroom dynamics promises to liberate, enchant, and provoke. Flinging the doors open on erotic life and domesticity, she invites us to put the "X" back in sex.
Zero stars While I do recognize that Esther Perel is a famous therapist, the author backs up her hypothesis with her patients' experiences and most of them are completely out of the ordinary. I will cite one single example of the many this book has. Certain men have difficulty expressing their interest and love to women (what a surprise), and this guy could not maintain relationships because of this until he found a japanese (or chinese woman). They fell in love and it worked out so well precisely because they could not talk. He did not speak japanese, the woman did no speak English in the beginning, so they were forced to show how much they loved each other without talking. While this is a very romantic story, honestly, how often is a regular person going to encounter a situation like this? What is the point in giving these kind of examples when most of the people are not going to experience something like that? When reading this book I felt as if I were reading advice from Cosmopolitan. Do not waste your money or time reading this book. It is not worth it.bought three; handed them out like Bible tracts Got to this book late and am I glad for it. When it came out I was newly remarried and didn't need and wouldn't have heard the message. But seven years into a mid-life marriage I needed tips on answering Ester Perel's Big Question (from her excellent TED Talk): Can you want what you already have? Her answer seemed to be as I read: Sure you can. But it's work. And you better understand what's going on first.Add to this that my whole arousal system of mind, body, soul and sex is older, as I'm in my mid 60s. Love what she said when asked how many times she'd been married: "Four. To the same man." This woman and mom and wife and therapist and speaker of 6 languages not only reinvented herself to stay hot for her man but to stay interesting for her two teen children living with mom/dad as a foursome. Yes, sex as a family value. From Belgium and Israel, her husband and two kids live or lived together when she wrote this from their flat in NYC. It's one thing to write how to stay hot for each other while married; it's another to pull it off and then even be able to communicate the complex system that makes it possible.I gave one to a peer guy friend and one to my son. It's that good and helpful. They say when the student is ready the teacher will appear. Don't read this book too soon. Or too late either. But buy three copies and get ready. I say.Read it. If you can't read it read the last chapter or two Read it. If you can't read it, read the last chapter or two. However, I believe everyone who cares about their relationship or their own health will find themselves in a few of the many examples. The overall message of the duality or tension of the long term relationship and the distance needed for eroticism seems so obvious after having read this. There are many brilliant observations in this book, but I would also recommend the many lectures that the author has given which appear on YouTube, including her TED talks. I listened to a few before reading the book and a few after reading the book. It's funny how they made so much more sense after reading the book.
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